Breaking Free

As I sit here tonight, I am thinking back over my Bible study tonight at church.  I am going through Beth Moore's Breaking Free study.  Wow, is it tough!  I've thought for awhile that I needed to do the study, but kept avoiding it because I knew it was gonna be tough.  Little did I know how much so.....


I knew that I had some strongholds that I needed to break-I didn't realized how many I had in my life.  It's quite intimidating to go through and realize what a defeated life I have been living.  Now, I've had some great moments of growth in the last few years, and I am so grateful that the Lord has given those to me, but man oh man do I have a lot of work left to do. 


As I start to realize all of these strongholds & take a painful hard look at them, I wonder how did I get to this place?  I wish that I could just give them all up at one time to God and be done with them.  Is that how it works?  I don't know.  I look back through my life at moments when God has really revealed Himself to me & really helped me over a big hurdle, and it seems like it's usually only one thing at a time that He strips away.  Maybe He knows I can't handle more than that.  Maybe I have a lot more layers than I realized of "stuff"  and strongholds that need to be removed, and it's gonna take awhile for them all to go. 


I'm finding myself crawling up in fear, as I usually tend to do when hard things come or when I know I need to change something in my life.  Oh wait, that's a stronghold, isn't it....  I'm trying so hard to believe that God is gonna help me get through this study & not quit.  But not only that, but to truly be a conqueror when I finish.  I've done studies, read books, nodded my head & said what good stuff that is-I should work on that, or that's what I need to do.  Then I stay in the same place, and I don't actually make the change.  Change is scary!!!  Even though I live in bondage & I'm miserable, it's what I know.  I hear Beth Moore say it's so much better on the other side where there is true freedom, and I have to believe that's true, because it's not exactly peachy over on this side, but it's familiar. 


This study is so good, & I know that I need to break free.  I believe in God.  But do I believe God?  Do I believe that He can change me & His intention isn't to harm me through this process but to make me more like Him?  Do I believe His promises?  Do I believe that He loves me & wants to fellowship with me?  That's why He created me?  I believe.  Help my unbelief.

Let it Go

So, as I was listening to the radio on the way home from work yesterday, I heard a silly commercial.  They call it a "comic strip for radio".  They are usually silly, but get the point across.  This one particularly hit me.  This guy goes to the doctor to get some pain medicine because he has an arrow in his side.  The doctor, of course, wants to take the arrow out and fix the problem.  But they guy says no, just give him pain medicine.  He wants to hold on to the arrow-it's a good conversation piece....he's gotten used to it....he doesn't want to get rid of it. 

How many times do we want to hold on to something that God is asking us to give up?  It's for our best, every time, but we just want the "pain medicine" and to keep our arrow. 

So, a silly example?  Yes, kinda.  But think about it.  It makes sense and shows us how silly it is for us to hang on to an arrow that is only hurting us instead of letting God take it out and truly heal us.

What is your arrow that needs to be removed?  Let God take that arrow out of your side and heal you and change you. 

Maundy Thursday

I've never really attended a church before now that followed the litrugical calendar.  I've never really been to the extra services around Easter, except maybe a sunrise service.  Tonight, I had the privelege of participating in a Maundy Thursday service at my church.  What a beautiful time to reflect on the days before the crucifixion of Jesus. 

The minister spoke about the Last Supper, and how Jesus washed the feet of His disciples that night.  I've always heard this story with the focus being on the supper, but tonight there was a different spin to it.  She talked more about Jesus washing the disciples' feet.  Now, anyone who knows me very well knows that I hate feet.  They totally gross me out.  So, I was a little uncomfortable when I realized that was where the sermon was heading!

Anytime that I've ever heard this story, it's always focused on how we should be like Christ, and we should humble ourselves and serve others.  And that is a very good thing, and a very important thing.  Tonights sermon though, was focused on letting Jesus wash our feet.  Letting Him cleanse us so that we can be used for him.  Our feet take us down the narrow way.  Our feet take us to others who need to be reached by Jesus' love. 

It is a humbling thought to think about letting Jesus wash our feet.  That is not a pretty part of our bodies.  That is not generally somewhere we want people touching.  As someone who is grossed out by feet, it is very hard and very humbling to think about anyone washing my feet, but especially Jesus. 

I pray that I will let Jesus cleanse those darkest, ugliest parts of me so that I can be used more fully by Him to love people. 

Thank you Lord, for the opportunity to come together and remember the beautiful sacrifice that You became for us.

Changes

This is gonna be a year of changes, I can feel it.  I'm gonna be moved (well, probably more like pushed, shoved, and probably dragged) right out of my happy little comfort zone.  I know that it will be for my good, but oh man, it's rough while it's happening....

There's excitement too, though, thinking about the future, and what it holds.  I know from past experiences that when I finally move, great things happen. 

I think I have finally started on my pathway to finding freedom.  I've been wanting to start this path for oh so long, but have been scared, or not sure how or where to start.  But I think I've found it.  It's gonna happen this time. 

One of my favorite songs right now is Gungor's "Beautiful Things".  This is my story.  I don't feel beautiful right now, but I know that God can turn my mess & my ashes in beauty.

"Beautiful Things"

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us



Lent

So, I've never participated in Lent before.  I have never really understood it, and always thought it was a Catholic thing.  I've become more intrigued by it the last few years as I have seen more people participating in other denominations.  Well, yesterday was the first day of Lent, and I heard a radio program about it on Midday Connection on Moody.  The Lord pressed upon my heart that this year I needed to participate in Lent. 

For me, Lent is about giving up something in order to spend more time reflecting on why the cross was necessary & the time leading up to it.  It is time spent being still, and reflecting.  When I think of what Christ gave up for me at the cross, how can I not give up something for a few days?  Anything that I have to give up is nothing in comparison. 

One of the things that I didn't understand about Lent was giving something up for only a period of time.  I didn't understand the point of the limited time.  If you can give it up for 40 days, shouldn't you give it up for all your life?  The speakers on Midday Connection did a great job of explaining it, at least for me.  They said that Lent is a time to recalibrate and focus on our sins, and the sadness and ugliness that led to the cross.  It is a boundary experience.  We can't sit and wallow in our sadness and grief forever or we will not be able to do what the Lord has called us to do.  It is a time of fasting from something.  When we look at the end of the story of the cross, it ends in victory! Jesus rose from the grave!  Our time of sorrow and fasting ends too- and we can rejoice at Easter for the awesome victory that we now have through Jesus.

For Lent, I am giving up my downtime when I'm lying in bed at the end of the day.  I usually will plug my phone in, and then play games until I fall asleep.  It truly is mindless and a waste of time.  I have decided that for the next 40 days, I will use that time to pray for my friends and family in a specific way.  I have made a page for each person in a journal with a specific list of things to pray for.  I will devote that time that I wasted each night to spending time with the Lord.

I am looking forward to seeing how God uses this in my life this year, and seeing how He is going to grow me through this experience.  May we all take some time, whether it's an entire 40 days or not, to really reflect on the meaning of Easter this year. 

Running

I'm gonna do a full marathon.  I am.  My lofty goal was to do it this year as I turn 35.   As I do research, I think I will make it a goal to do one before I turn 40.  If I'm gonna run for 26 miles (ridiculous!!), I'm gonna make it good.  So, I think I'll focus on doing at least one half marathon this year, hopefully two.  And I think I'm gonna look into taking tap dance lessons, or clogging classes.  Watch out Dancing with the Stars!  Ha!

New Year

I know, I know....it's almost February, and quite past the time of talking about New Years.  But anyone who knows me knows that I'm hardly on time.  I like to make the celebration last! =)

So, I just wanted to share today my Scripture passage that I have claimed for 2013.  I can't say that I've done super great at living it so far every day, but I know that even though we are so far from perfect and not always faithful, thankfully we have a God Who is faithful, even when we fail.

So, without further adieu......

Psalm 30:1-5  (I believe this is from the  NLT)

     I will sing of Your love and justice.
     I will praise You, Lord, with songs.
I will be careful to live a blameless life.
     When will You come to my aid?
I will lead a life of integrity
     in my own home.
I will refuse to look at
     anything vile and vulgar.
I hate all crooked dealings,
     I will have nothing to do with them.
I will reject perverse ideas
     and stay away from every evil.
I will not tolerate people who slander
     their neighbors.
I will not endure conceit and pride.

Do you have any favorite Scripture passages or any that you have claimed for 2013 specifically?
I'd love to hear what they are.